#11 EAGLE LEARNS STUFF ABOUT THE DOLLAR WHICH MAKES HIM SAY ‘OUCH’ (A birds eye view of the mess we’re in)

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Cuckoo woke up when dawn was far advanced.

As he looked down from EAGLE’S eyrie, he felt a brief spasm of vertigo. He was used to reasonable heights, but nothing like this. They were thousand of feet up and the drop from EAGLE’S marvelously equipped private quarters was near vertical.

A fish thumped in front of CUCKOO, and he heard a distinctive eagle cry in the sky. He thought the fish looked like a char, but he was no expert in high altitude fish. He consumed it during a leisurely breakfast, and caught up with the news on EAGLE’S iPad.

EAGLE, having fed his guest, wouldn’t be able to get back until early afternoon. He was attending a Council of Eagles meeting where there were weighty matters to discuss. These were: climate change; air pollution; and pesticides.

EAGLE returned in a gloomy mood. “We have the evidence,” he said, “but there is a hard core of Right Mugs and Tea Mugs who won’t listen to anything. The bottom line is that my people are being poisoned. And their deaths mean nothing. Don’t they understand that if we are dying, humans are dying too.  We share the environment. We’re like an early warning system, and we’re being ignored. Actually, that’s not quite true. Some humans are desperately concerned, but there are enough of these economic fundamentalists out there to block reform. Does a free market give you the right to poison?”

CUCKOO didn’t understand why the Right Mugs, with the Chamber of Commerce leading the charge, so consistently opposed all efforts to improve the environment. Surely they were living in it too. They were also anti-science. You could produce all the evidence in the world, and they would disregard it if it didn’t fit their agenda. It was as if they were practicing a form of religion.

“What about climate change?” he asked.

“We know it’s happening,” said EAGLE. “We live outside. We are acutely sensitive to the climate. But, once again the humans are split.”

EAGLE went to visit MRS EAGLE in the family quarters and returned somewhat calmer.

“I don’t want to oversell Europe,” said CUCKOO, “but what I told you yesterday is true. Europe does a much better job of looking after its people. Its economic system – the European Business Model, to use jargon – is also based upon free market capitalism but with many of its rough edges smoothed out.”

“But Europe has a debt crisis,” said EAGLE. “Look at the PIIGS: Portugal; Ireland; Italy; Greece; and Spain.”

“Europe remains a work in progress,” said CUCKOO; “but I would like to remind you that the U.S. has a debt crisis too. The only reason it isn’t more serious is that the dollar is a reserve currency.”

The trouble with eagleomics,thought EAGLE, is that there is too much of it. For all his months of studying, new terms kept on popping up. But then CUCKOO had been studying all this stuff for years; and CUCKOO was exceptionally smart. In fact, there were times when EAGLE wondered if CUCKOO really was a cuckoo. He sighed.

“OK, I surrender. What’s a reserve currency?”

“It’s a currency that nations store their reserves in and pay their international bills with,” said CUCKOO. "That makes it more valuable than it would be otherwise because it’s in demand. Most international trade takes place in dollars. This was all set up just after the war at a place called Bretton Woods.”

“The Chinese can’t  like this very much,” said EAGLE.

“They don’t,” said Cuckoo. “So they are trying to change it. And when they do, our costs will go up and so will interest rates. You see, right now EAGLE-LAND can print as many dollars as it wants because the currency in demand is the dollar. But if international trade is switched to something else, and nobody wants the dollar…”

“I get the idea,” said EAGLE. It was one more Sword of Damocles suspended over his country. “When do you think this might happen?”

“Some people say twenty years,”said CUCKOO. “I think within five.”

EAGLE tried to imagine the effect. The price of all imports, including oil, would go up; and so would interest rates on everything from mortgages to the National Debt. The cost of living would rocket. The average American would be crucified.

“Ouch!” he said.

“Be glad you’re an eagle,” said CUCKOO.”

 

 

#10 EAGLE & CUCKOO FLY A LOT, LAUGH A LOT; AND THEN THINGS GET SERIOUS, AND A LITTLE SAD (A birds eye view of the mess we’re in)

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CUCKOO followed EAGLE to his eyrie. He rather wished he’d brought a helmet, and was equipped with terrain-following radar; or maybe EAGLE following radar.

Flying with EAGLE  required concentration because EAGLE flew like an  attack helicopter pilot (or perhaps it was the other way around) and chose routes which were not for the faint-hearted.

He particularly liked to zoom along narrow valleys, snake through clearings, skim tree-tops, pop-up at the last minute to avoid ridgelines, fly along under overhangs dripping stalactite-shaped shards of lethal ice (just waiting to drop), and within inches of cliff faces lavishly equipped with unexpected turns, and protrusions of sharp rock.

There is flying; and then there is flying, he liked to say. 

Then, he would suddenly soar up into the mountains until the air got thin, because his main eyrie was very high and virtually inaccessible; and boasted a vista that was so spectacular, CUCKOO always got a lump in his throat ever time he saw it afresh.

They were soon comfortably perched in EAGLE’S  private quarters. They were sheltered from the wind, but could still see the view. Sunlight glistened off a river far, far, below. Nearer at hand, there were mountain lakes well stocked with fish. There was a practical side to EAGLE’S character; he liked to have fresh food at hand. And he was an excellent host.

They continued their conversation about Europe. EAGLE found he could speak more frankly if he didn’t call the place CUCKOO-LAND while he was talking to CUCKOO.

“For years I’ve heard that Europe was old-fashioned, socialist, union dominated and a terrible place to do business,” said EAGLE, “and now my research is telling me they’re doing better than us. Well, that would be confusing enough, but in addition, I couldn’t help notice that every U.S. company worth its salt is over there, and my financial eagles tell me they are doing very well. Apparently, they can live quite happily with unions and regulations after all.

“Do you think U.S. Big Business is lying to the American public?”

CUCKOO laughed. Then he laughed some more. Then he started giggling so much it was all he could do to hold on his perch, let alone his brandy.

Then EAGLE joined in and their joint laughter echoed through the mountains.

“Big Business lies all the time,” COOKOO said, when calm was restored.

“Corporations lie about their products in advertising, they lie to the government about their taxes, they lie to regulators about everything, they lie to local communities about all the jobs they are going to create, they lie to their employees and shareholders, and they even lie to themselves because they kid themselves that they are not lying but merely advancing corporate interests when they really mean their own.”

“But humans don’t approve of lying,” said EAGLE. “I often hear parents tell their children that.”

“Very true,” said CUCKOO. “But when humans gather together in some kind of organized structure, they think it’s ok to lie; and they do it all the time. They lie defensively, and they lie because they want something. They think truth is for the birds; and contrition is only for Sundays, and you only have to go through the motions.”

EAGLE thought of his beloved 101st Airborne. Surely, ‘The Screaming Eagles’ would never lie. They were all about: DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY. He didn’t ask the question. He didn’t want to hear the answer. He already knew the answer.

“Americans are either being brainwashed or entertained – distracted - from birth to death,” said CUCKOO, “so they don’t really have much time to think – except a little bit when they’re working. But corporations really don’t encourage thinking even when their people are working. That’s what corporate manuals are all about. This is a very, very, authoritarian culture. It doesn’t encourage questioning the American Way of Life. That has been mythologized. You can be free on your own time – providing you don’t do anything that is contrary to your employer’s wishes.”

“Like what?” said EAGLE.

“Try organizing a union in your own time,” said CUCKOO, “and you’ll learn something new about flying.”

“But what about the media?” said EAGLE.

“The media are owned by Big Business – and people like Rupert Murdoch,” said CUCKOO. “And his contribution to truthfulness in America has been Fox News and the Wall Street Journal – to name but a part of his empire. 

“The other media corporations are little better. At the very time when accurate reporting about what is going on in other cultures is vital, U.S. media bosses have been closing down foreign bureaus left right and center. And, at home, they’ve been sacking journalists, virtually eliminating investigative reporting, and focusing solely on profit. And I seem to recall the media have a constitutional responsibility. If they don’t tell us, who will? We mightn’t think much of them, but they’re all we’ve got. And many American journalists, if they are allowed, are very good; but they’re afraid. And they are muzzled.”

“Jumping frogs!” said EAGLE. “When you put it that way, it’s kind of ugly.”

“It’s much more than ugly,” said CUCKOO. “It’s an existential threat to National Security. Currently, America’s rich and corporate elites are destroying this country for the sole purpose of making themselves richer. Bin Laden must be laughing from his watery grave.

“Add in a truly lousy K12 educational system, a great many mediocre third level colleges and universities – though the best of them are marvelous – large numbers of crackpot ideologies, prejudices and religions, and rampant economic insecurity; and you’ve got a recipe for exactly what you’ve got: a country in accelerating decline.”

“But what about CUCKOO-LAND,” cried EAGLE, forgetting his resolution to call the place Europe. “It can’t be that different. I mean it’s a bit better but – but you guys are capitalist too.”

“Capitalism is like ice-cream,” said CUCKOO. “It comes in all kinds of different flavors; and the differences, while seemingly subtle, are important. And the American flavor is melting fast. The ingredients in it are the cheapest possible: unhealthy – largely imported – and sometimes poisonous.”

The word ‘China’ hung over the conversation.

EAGLE  refilled bother their snifters with brandy, and downed half of his in a gulp. “Between you and me, CUCKOO, I could live quite happily in France, or some such place in Europe, but the truth is I love this country – faults and all – and don’t intend to see it go down without a fight.”

“Oddly enough, I think most of us in CUCKOO-LAND feel nearly as warmly about these United States of America as you do,” said CUCKOO. “But you guys have been top of the pile for so long, I think you’ve forgotten how to listen and learn from your friends.

EAGLE nodded and shrugged his wings. “I never thought eagleomics would be so hard,” he said. “It’s so – so emotional. I thought it would be about numbers, but it isn’t. It’s about life; and struggle; and death; and vision.”

“You are up here, surrounded by some of the most beautiful country in the world,” said CUCKOO, “and pretty much everything you want is to hand; and free at that. Now imagine what it must be like to be an average American, down there, possibly out of a job, deeply in debt, maybe hungry, and facing the future. And his benefit are about to be cut by a coalition of Right Mugs, Left Mugs and Tea Mugs in Washington D.C. as a better solution to the U.S.’s budgetary problems than taxing the rich and corporate interests.”

A single tear rolled from EAGLE’s  right eye and dropped on his breast. “That’s exactly what I was imagining,” he said in a choked voice. “Damn food to get emotional. My apologies, CUCKOO.”

And then he shook his head, thrust himself into the sky; and flew, and flew, and flew.

And CUCKOO sighed; and watched the sun set in a blaze of glory; and finished the brandy. It was damn good brandy.

“Vive Napoleon,” he said appreciatively, and slept. 

 

Victor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#9 EAGLE FINDS OUT A LOT, INCLUDING THE FACT THAT EUROPE IS GEOGRAPHICALLY BIGGER THAN THE U.S.–THOUGH THE EU IS SMALLER (A birds eye view of the mess we are in)

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CUCKOO was both delighted with EAGLE’S progress, and concerned.

EAGLE was merely a symbolic token of American power so CUCKOO was not quite sure what he could do.

He was, after all, an eagle, and not a human, and given the paranoia that had existed in EAGLE-LAND  since 9/11, CUCKOO shuddered to think what might happen if EAGLE casually flew in to give the president advice, or tried to gatecrash Congress.

He was likely  to encounter a Stinger missile flying the other way at high speed. COOKOO wasn’t at all sure how the Americans would feel about losing such a missile; or what EAGLE might do if provoked. He wasn’t your average raptor. 

For his part, EAGLE, for so long almost completely focused on the American continent, had suddenly decided to research internationally; and he had recruited a flock of his buddies to help in the process. Eagles, big and small, fat and tall – hundreds of them, intelligence their common denominator - had flown everywhere in the world anything was happening; and were busy jotting down their findings on their iPads and sending the data to some high security eyrie EAGLE had set up in Colorado. CUCKOO had the suspicion that EAGLE had probably tapped into NORAD’s computers. As EAGLE liked to joke: “I have a talon for that sort of thing.”   

CUCKOO had had no idea that EAGLE was so connected, but there it was; and he had recruited a slew of what he called his ‘Royal Family’ as well.

One even called himself ‘The Napoleonic Eagle’ and took himself very seriously. He was an ‘enarques’ of course – a graduate from one of France’s elite graduate schools – so what else could you expect. He wore an acute accent over the ‘e.’ He thought it made him look very dashing.

Enarques were very bright, very few in number, and generally considered to be brilliant. They formed the backbone of both the French government and its civil service; and ran many of its businesses.

Dominique Strauss Kahn  had tried to become one, but, though exceptionally bright, had failed.

EAGLE hadn’t doubted CUCKOO, but since CUCKOO was so identified with CUCKOO-LAND, or Europe, as humans called it, he thought he should ‘trust but verify.’

It turned out that CUCKOO had been advising him entirely accurately, but had, if anything, been excessively tactful. The situation, based upon EAGLE’s intelligence initiative, was, if anything even more serious than the one COOKOO had portrayed. But, above all, EAGLE knew that his gigabytes of raw intelligence needed interpreting.

“CUCKOO,” he said, “I’m sorry if I seemed to doubt you, but you practically scared me  out of my feathers so I thought I’d better develop a few independent sources,” he said.

“Good idea,” said CUCKOO, “though I’m not sure you needed to mount an invasion of CUCKOO-LAND.”

EAGLE smiled apologetically.  “There was a lot of ground to cover. Europe is bigger than most of us think. Actually, it’s bigger than EAGLE-LAND though that includes some counties that aren’t in the EU. ”

“Yes,” said CUCKOO. “And I wonder how many Americans know that? When I’m here, I hear nothing of criticism of Europe, but damn few Americans know much about us – let alone bother to learn from us; or from anywhere else, for that matter.”

EAGLE looked embarrassed. He was very proud of EAGLE-LAND, but he had to admit that CUCKOO was no more than telling the truth. On top of doing badly, many Americans were arrogant as well as ignorant.  Well, ‘uniformed’ might be a better way of putting it. They had done marvelous things for Europe in WW I and WW II, but those events had been a long time ago. And killing your nation’s enemies was not the same as  looking after your own people in peacetime. The latter was a whole lot harder. It seemed to bring out the worst in people. It was akin to a family fight.

“My apologies,” said CUCKOO; “I’m being rude. I’m not here to be critical. I’m here to help. I love EAGLE-LAND as much as you do. It is just that I get so frustrated by America’s inability, or unwillingness, to solve problems that have been solved elsewhere.”

“I’m beginning to feel the same way,” said EAGLE. “Do you know that the typical worker in CUCKOO-LAND  has free health-care, long paid vacations, free K-12 education for his kids, free or nearly free third level education, a pension, unemployment pay, a slew of worker rights, can’t be dismissed without compensation and due process – and yet Europe still manufactures things and is competitive in world markets? If they can do it,why can’t we?”

“Perhaps they all live uncomfortable lives in little houses,” said CUCKOO, who still wasn’t quite over his little outburst. ‘That’s what American media likes to say.”

“They live a little differently,” said EAGLE, “but I’d say, if anything, they live better than us. They are much more secure financially, their food is better, they have excellent public transport, their educational system is superior – up to third level anyway – and if something goes wrong, they have a social safety net. Vastly less stress all round. And, as a matter of interest, they use half the energy we do. Oil and stuff.”

He cocked his head to one side. He was thinking. “But, in other ways, perhaps they use twice the energy Americans do. They walk a lot.”

“But are they as free?” said CUCKOO.

EAGLE suddenly looked really angry – though more with the issues he was dealing with than with CUCKOO. “Of course they bloody well are,” he said. “It’s just that we’ve been brainwashed to think we have a monopoly of freedom. And it isn’t true.”

CUCKOO nodded in satisfaction. EAGLE was learning. Though it was early days yet.

“I’ve brought you back a present,” said EAGLE, and displayed a very large box; and opened it with a flourish. “Made in Europe. It’s a cuckoo-clock.”

CUCKOO groaned internally. Everyone gave cuckoos cuckoo-clocks; even cuckoos. Personally, he’d have preferred a Swatch.

EAGLE pressed a button, and the clocks door’s opened, and a cuckoo popped out. Only it wasn’t a cuckoo. It was a flask of excellent brandy, and the weights were made from bottles of wine. The ‘cuckoo-clock’ was a gift pack. Brandy snifters were included. 

“Have a ‘clocktail,’” said EAGLE, vastly pleased with himself. EAGLE’S jokes could be impressively awful.  

“Ingenious people, the Swiss,” said CUCKOO. He was very touched. “Thank you, EAGLE.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#8 EAGLE THINKS HUMANS ARE NUTS, AND CUCKOO DOESN’T DISAGREE (A birds eye view of the mess we are in)

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EAGLE hadn’t worried about what humans got up to, in any detail, for much of his life to date.

When he’d been an eaglet, he’d thought mainly about food. Later, he’d been obsessed with learning to fly (and sex) and to be the Best of the Best.

Those objectives achieved, and maintained, he’d been a conscientious symbol of EAGLE-LAND, but not overly concerned with his humans and their day to day activities (apart from the 101st Airborne). He was, literally, above all that. Yet now, thanks to CUCKOO, he was studying eagleomics.

“What is work?” he said to CUCKOO.

“It has various meanings,” said CUCKOO. “When you go hunting to get food for yourself and your family, you are, in a sense, working. But, I think the meaning you are looking for refers to paid work. That involves selling your time – during which you agree to do whatever you are told to do – within reason - in exchange for money.”

“Do humans like work?” said EAGLE.

“That depends,” said CUCKOO, “on lots of things. Some people love their work. Others enjoy the social aspect. But mostly they work because they have to have money to live. Humans have to pay for almost everything. They need money nearly as much as they need clean air, and fresh water.”

EAGLE looked around. Everything he wanted or needed was either within sight, or within flying distance; and everything was free. He shook his head in wonder. “Humans are nuts,” he said.

“That is scarcely an original observation,” said CUCKOO drily. “But we work with what we’ve got.”

“How come Americans lose freedom when they work,” said EAGLE? “I understand that if they are doing what they are told, they can’t go hunting like I can, but I thought they had a Constitution that is the basis for their freedoms.”

“They do have a constitution,” said CUCKOO, “But quite a bit of it doesn’t apply when they are working, and much of the rest of it is covered by laws which don’t really favor the average American very much. For instance, they can’t speak freely inside their place of work, they can’t form unions with any ease, they get very little vacation, mostly they don’t get either sick pay or paid maternity leave and they can be dismissed with little or notice for little or no reason. Also, they are losing their pensions, and medical insurance is becoming unaffordable. The details vary from state to state. And I should probably add, that if you factor in inflation, most workers haven’t had a real pay increase for nearly forty years.”

“That sucks,” said EAGLE. “But since, as I understand it, there are far more workers than bosses, why don’t they change the laws in favor of the workers? Isn’t democracy based upon the rule of the majority?”

“Yes it is,” said CUCKOO, “but since the bosses have most of the money, they can buy the votes they need to keep the workers in line. So a few very rich people, and the corporations they control, can run things the way they want. And that’s just what they do.”

“Despite the Constitution?” said EAGLE.

“Yes,” said CUCKOO. “Because the Supreme Court, which has the final vote on legal matters, has, in effect been bought by the Rich and their corporate interests. Money rules in EAGLE-LAND.”

EAGLE sighed. Some of the books he had read had been vastly enthusiastic about American Democracy and yet the real thing seemed to be so terribly different. But perhaps none if this mattered if the system worked. EAGLE-LAND, after all, was supposed to be the richest, most powerful country in the world. He dried to think pragmatically. He knew matters weren’t going too well in what humans called the United States of America, but probably they were worse in other counties. He raised the issue with CUCKOO.

“No,” said CUCKOO. “I hate to say it, EAGLE, because I know you love this country, but EAGLE-LAND is currently in decline; and the way they are running their economy just isn’t working any more. If something isn’t done soon, the whole system is going to augur in.”

CUCKOO liked to throw in aviation terminology from time to time. ‘Auguring in’ meant screwing your aircraft deep into the ground. In simple language, it meant crashing with fatal results. It was not a good thing.

“Isn’t it the president’s job to deal with this kind of problem?” said EAGLE.

“Yes it is,” said CUCKOO, “but the president’s power is limited.  If he can’t get sufficient votes in both houses of Congress – the House of Representatives and the Senate – he can get nothing done.”

EAGLE wracked his brains. He knew the parties in Congress had names, but so many terms were used to describe the different beliefs of these elected idiots, that the correct terminology did not come to mind. Then he remembered. He’d been having tea with CUCKOO when they had discussed Congress first.

“So, everything depends upon the Right Mugs, the Left Mugs –“

“And the Tea Mugs,” said CUCKOO.

 

Victor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#7 EAGLE & CUCKOO TALK ABOUT FREE MARKET CAPITALISM – AND FIND IT ISN’T FREE (A birds eye view of the mess we’re in)

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“Every country has an economic system,” said CUCKOO. “All are different, though sometimes the differences are slight. The current EAGLE-LAND system is called ‘Free Market Capitalism.’”

“It doesn’t seem to be working very well,” said EAGLE gloomily. “And it seems to produce an awful of lot of pollution. Good grief, one of the great joys of being an eagle is to be able to fly above all the mess these idiots have made of this beautiful country, and the next thing I know my nasal passages are clogged up with smog. And air pollution kills, I’ll have you know. Then I dive down to have a drink of water, and I find the stuff is polluted with oil. I’m surprised humans put up with it. I’m going to send that governor of Montana a stiff e-mail.”

“Well, it makes some people very rich,” said CUCKOO.

“Though most just get sick and die, I suppose,” said EAGLE grumpily. “It sounds like a damn fool system to me. I’m not sure I’d get on too well if I went around poisoning my neighbors.”

“Well, you have to look at the bigger picture,” said CUCKOO. “Free market capitalism has accomplished a lot. Look at how much better everyone is living compared to several generations ago. They have better cars, bigger houses, flat screen TVs and iPads. Now if that isn’t the advance of civilization, what is?”

EAGLE looked at CUCKOO suspiciously. CUCKOO had his unreadable blank face on on. It gave no indication of what he was thinking. The idea was that Eagle should form his own views based upon the best information available. CUCKOO had explained that he didn’t want to lead EAGLE.

EAGLE had been working hard at eaglenomics for a few months, but mostly what he knew so far was a lot of facts; and the most important fact of the lot was that he didn’t yet know what he needed to know. He was now familiar with much of the jargon, but didn’t yet know its precise meaning. 

One of the oddest things about studying was that the more you learned, the less you seemed to know. It was quite discombobulating.

“You’re the teacher, CUCKOO,” he said. “So if you think Free Market Capitalism is the best system, I’m open to persuasion - based upon the facts,” he added hastily. “I’m just giving you a preliminary eagle’s eye view.“

"Well, the EAGLE-LAND system is tied into a belief,” said CUCKOO, “that if you’ll allow people – Americans – to have as much freedom as possible, they’ll be better off all around. There will be more innovation, the quality of life will improve faster, people will get richer, and they will all live happier longer.”

“So pollution is a small price to pay for freedom and economic progress,” said EAGLE.

CUCKOO beamed. “You’re mastering the jargon perfectly, EAGLE,” he said. “I’m proud of you.”

“But what is freedom?” said EAGLE. He had already come to the conclusion that this was a particularly tricky word where humans were concerned. They liked to rant about freedom and liberty a lot before killing each other. He doubted you would feel particularly free if you were dead.

“Well, you of all birds, should know the answer to that,” said CUCKOO. “It’s the ability to do what you like when you like without anyone trying to stop you. It means as little government as possible, as little taxation as is realistic – and the right to bear arms. And you can practice what religion you like and say what like and no one can gainsay you.”

“Sounds great,” said EAGLE, “except for the gun part. Hunters tend to be less than bird friendly. But I’m an eagle and don’t need money. But humans do. Can they get money freely?”

“Err, no,” said CUCKOO, “which rather complicates things. Because getting money means losing freedom – quite a lot of freedom in America’s case. Nearly all of it in many cases.”

“Yet Americans can’t have freedom without money,” said EAGLE, “because the days of mountain man, Jeremiah Johnson, and living off the land are pretty much over.”

“They always were for most humans,” said CUCKOO.

“You’re a wise old buzzard,” said EAGLE.

“I’m a CUCKOO,” said CUCKOO.

 

 

 

 

#6 EAGLEOMICS FOR BEGINNERS (A birds-eye view of the mess we are in in)

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The months passed and CUCKOO taught EAGLE eagleomics at every conceivable opportunity.

This proved to be a more demanding task than he had anticipated, because EAGLE took his duties towards EAGLE-LAND very seriously, and was always flying off to somewhere or other on a morale raising trip.

His favorite place was, unsurprisingly, Fort Campbell, home of the 101st Airborne (Air Assault) but better known as ‘The Screaming Eagles.’ In fact, he even had his very own helmet for field trips and foreign wars – and looked extremely dashing in it.

EAGLE was air mobile himself, of course, and could travel enormous distances, if he was so inclined; but since he enjoyed VIE (VERY IMPORTANT EAGLE) status, he often hitched a ride on military transport to save time.

CUCKOO, who often travelled with him during this period, so he could teach his prestigious student, found all of this very exciting and developed a particular fondness for Apache attack helicopters. True, CUCKOO, looked sort of chubby and strange, but as EAGLE commented: “You have the heart of a warrior, CUCKOO, and a smart one at that.”

In fact, while teaching EAGLE eagleomics, CUCKOO used the opportunity to bone up on military matters which he thought had been rather neglected in CUCKOO-LAND. But, for all that, the main thrust was on eagleomics because it was increasingly clear that EAGLE-LAND had lost its way and needed some answers.

EAGLE was a good student, and read his way through Adam Smith, David Ricardo, Karl Marx, and all the greats of what economists liked to think of as a science; but had now gravitated to more modern economists like Milton Friedman, Paul Krugman and Joseph Stiglitz. He didn’t understand everything, of course, but he was reaching the point where he was beginning to ask questions.

That pleased CUCKOO who, best of all liked, to teach by way of a loose form of the Socratic method. Essentially that employed reasoned debate to evolve the optimum solution. It was pretty much how EAGLE and CUCKOO talked anyway. They thought that one of the principle pleasure of intelligent discourse was how much one learned from it.

Both adhered to Keynes’s principle: “When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do, sir?”

CUCKOO thought it would be to EAGLE-LAND’S advantage if such words were tattooed onto the forehead of every member of Congress; and possibly of every American voter too. The trouble was that most didn’t know many facts, and certainly didn’t want any new ones to confuse the issue. That was the nice thing about ‘gut instinct.’ It didn’t require any facts at all.

“Americans are very illogical,” said EAGLE. Americans called EAGLE-LAND ‘America’ for some perverse reason. “They devoted enormous effort to blocking the spread of what they called communism but communism has never been tried. All communist nations to date have been nothing more than dictatorships. Look at communist Stalin in the Soviet Union, and Castro in Cuba, and ask how were they different to fascist Hitler in German and Franco in Spain.”

“They weren’t to any significant extent in fact,” said CUCKOO. “But the one important variation was that under communism all the means of production, and pretty much everything else, were owned by the state whereas under fascism a significant amount of private ownership was allowed. But both systems were centrally controlled by governments run by dictators so private ownership didn’t mean much anyhow. If the system wanted something you owned, it just grabbed it. Look what happened to the Jews.

“Well then,” said EAGLE, “communism might work. After all, it has never been tried. I think we should experiment more. Who knows what will work unless you try it.”

 CUCKOO tried to imagine EAGLE advocating communism to the 101st Airborne and wasn’t at all sure the outcome would be happy. On the other hand, EAGLE was, of course, absolutely right - subject to one exception.  Ironically enough, communism – in its purest sense - had been tried for a while by the very earliest Christian communities. Human nature had won out.  

“Let’s work backwards from Capitalism,” CUCKOO said, “or Senator McCarthy will rise from his grave and try and put salt on your tail.”

EAGLE flexed his talons. Combined with speed, they were how he killed, and they looked the part. “That would not be a wise move,” he said.

“Hooah!” said CUCKOO.

‘Hooah’ was the Swiss Army Knife of words of the U.S. Army. It meant everything from “I agree with you,” to “Let’s do it,” and provided excellent exercise for the lungs.

 

Victor.

 

 

 

 

EAGLE ASKS HIS VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION (A birds-eye view of the mess we are in)

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EAGLE had been working up to asking his VERY IMPORTANT question for days.

CUCKOO hadn’t rushed him. He knew EAGLE was proud, conscious of his dignity, and extremely protective of his position as symbolic guardian of the Nation; except that he didn’t think his role was just symbolic.

CUCKOO knew that EAGLE was vastly concerned about EAGLE-LAND, so would, in the end, swallow his pride and ask for help. He was, above all, a patriot and took his responsibilities seriously. Eagles were like that, which was probably one of the reasons why so many countries – over forty - had chosen an eagle to be their symbol.

The Chinese, who liked to be different, had chosen a crane. It was rather a pretty bird with exceptionally long legs but lacked the regal bearing of EAGLE. On the other hand it had all kinds of positive connotations including longevity and happiness. CUCKOO thought it was a wise choice.

Eventually, CUCKOO had a brainwave. He would break the ice by talking about CUCKOO-LAND’s problems. And he’d open a bottle of wine (or two) first just to ease the atmosphere.

“I’m worried about CUCKOO-LAND,” he said. “WW II should have taught us that wars aren’t a good thing, and now we’re bombing Libya. You’d think we’d know better. We fought each other there back in the Forties.”

“To be fair,” said EAGLE,  who was perhaps more relaxed than he should have been, “Ghadafi really is cuckoo so it’s hard to know what else to do with the bugger. And it’s not really a big war. It’s not like Afghanistan which is costing us a wing and a claw.”

He then noticed that CUCKOO looked somewhat upset, and his choice of words came back at him.

“Sorry, CUCKOO,” he said breezily. “No harm meant. It’s just that I’ve been very distracted lately. EAGLE-LAND  is in a mess, and I don’t really know why. I’m more of a military bird. Never studied economics. Thought it was for nuts and nerds; and wimpy birds. And positively beneath an eagle’s dignity.”

He then cleared his throat. “But it appears I was wrong.”

CUCKOO cocked his head sympathetically. “Perhaps if we talked this out we might come up with a few answers,” he said.”We’ll both have perspective and that’s always a good thing.”

EAGLE made a face. Now the ice had been broken, he was determined lay it all out – embarrassing thought that may be. “Here’s the thing,” he said. “I don’t know enough to discuss all this properly. I’m an eagle. I know about flying and killing and military tactics – and I know how to command – but I don’t know how an economy works. But I think you do CUCKOO. You’re a funny kind of fellow, but you are exceedingly smart. So will you teach me? Then we can talk more intelligently, and sort these idiots out.”

“They’re only human,” said CUCKOO; “so don’t expect too much of them.”

EAGLE gave one of his dry smiles; and waited, and waited. “Well, you can think it over if you like,” he said eventually. “Perhaps it’s a little much to ask.”

CUCKOO was secretly delighted, but he had found that a certain gravitas worked well with EAGLE. And those with gravitas pondered weighty matters; and pondering took time. Still, it was time to close the bargain.

“EAGLE,” CUCKOO said in a formal but friendly tone, “I’ll be delighted to explain whatever  you want,” he said. “And I look forward to your own insights. Two beaks are always better than one.”

“Had a thought about what we might call whatever it is I’ll be learning,” said EAGLE. “How does ‘Eagleomics’ grab you?”

“By the throat,” said CUCKOO.

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