THE STORY SO FAR: PART 272: FRIDAY

REACTION…I AM BEREFT (BUT WILL RECOVER)

I instinctively went to the screenplay after I awoke—I normally write before I even have a mug of tea, let alone breakfast—and then remembered that I had finished the work and sent it away.

I felt absolutely lost and quite disoriented. The focus of my life had gone. Gone, I tell you!

I would have made a terrible actor.

Sanity returned as I looked at my backlog of other work, but the feeling of reaction and depression lingered for several hours and I found it near impossible to focus.

Intense focus for weeks on end—seven in this case—absolutely has consequences. There is a reaction similar to that following an adrenalin rush. The solution I always recommend is to have a vacation, or at least get away for a few days. But I won’t be following my own advice in this case for a host of reasons.

Much cheered to receive an invitation to attend Army National Guard training from a military friend. War is a truly terrible thing, but to see the military in action—without being shot at—is fascinating, at least as far as I am concerned. Actually, to be shot at briefly can be quite exhilarating, but to face danger day after day—from such arbitrary weapons such as IDEs, for example—requires a special kind of courage. U.S. troops—that select group who venture outside the wire—have been displaying it for years.

The photo is of my sister, Maxine—who is looking remarkably well. It was taken recently by my marvelous sister, Lucy—a regular hive of activity. Though can one person be a hive?

Maxine’s life is something of a mystery to me, but she trained as an actress and at one stage was highly successful on Irish radio. But she left at the height of her celebrity. She is probably a secret agent. Every family should have one.

I’m very proud of my sisters.

To work!

 

 

 

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 271: THURSDAY

FINALLY…

This re-writing phase has taken seven weeks of total focus. I tend to think of this kind of phase as a “writing bubble.” You know perfectly well that normal life is continuing around you (your bubble is transparent) but it is also irrelevant for the period in question. When you are in the zone, you stay in the zone – if you can and have any sense.

Then you burst the bubble when you send the screenplay away. The real world rushes in and and you look around somewhat dazed at the realization that the most important thing in the word, to most of the rest of the world, is not writing. Intellectually, you have known this all along, of course. Now you have to face the reality and its consequences. It can be quite a shock. There is a backlog of correspondence, and much more besides. The real world is distressingly demanding.

For all that, I feel immensely pleased and deeply satisfied with the end result of my work—albeit that the words “screenplay” and “re-write” are practically interchangeable (which is another way of saying that screenplays tend to be re-written multiple times often by a variety of different writers). It’s the nature of what is both a collaborative and cut-throat business.

The surprise of the day was to find that my sister, Lucy, has posted an old picture of my mother and first stepfather, Terrence O’Reilly, that I don’t recall ever having seen before. The date would have been 1945 or perhaps a year or two later.

Sadly, I have no recollection of him. If memory serves, he was a civil engineer who spent many years in Canada. He was quite a bit older than my mother—something like 20 years—and died of cancer in Ireland within a few years of the marriage.

My mother wrote a short book called THE HIDDEN GEM about their romance and Terrence’s tragic and premature passing. They seemed to have been very happy together.

Both my grandmother and my mother were widowed early. My grandmother never re-married nor showed any inclination to do so. My mother let a more complicated life—to put it mildly—and was re-married twice.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 269: TUESDAY

I HAVE ALREADY SQUEEZED THE LEMON—NOW I’M SQUEEZING IT AGAIN

By now I should have sent this screenplay away—but I’m still wrestling with the damn thing. It would be easier if I wasn’t finding anything. That would be clear-cut. Instead, better ways of doing things are still emerging after every read. Most, to be fair, are minor, but every small improvement helps.

Your work should always be as good as you can make it is very much my mantra But, let me tell you, it’s exhausting. I feel terribly tempted to throw in the towel—and yet, after every fresh read, I see items that can be improved.

Hola! My squirrel has returned. What a beautiful sight.

I picked up the expression “Hola!” (as in “Hola, Sir Knight!) from an Arthur Conan Doyle historical novel, SIR NIGEL—one of my favorite such books, but much less known than his Sherlock Holmes books. More is the pity. The first one, set in that period, is THE WHITE COMPANY which is set during the Hundred Years War—a period during which a summer vacation meant marauding in France for a couple of months. Given the superiority of their archers, the British were hard to stop—though crossbowmen tried their best.

Tourism tended towards the aggressive in those days. If others rose early and grabbed all the sun-loungers positioned around the pool (Germans are notorious in this regard) you just killed them.

Great books!

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 268: MONDAY

JOHN STEINBECK’S TRIBUTE TO U.S. ARMY HELICOPTER PILOTS IN VIETNAM

 Military matters have been a deep interest of mine for most of my life.

The reasons are several: I was a WW II baby, born in 1944 and grew up surrounded by people who had served; there was a military tradition in the family; I received military training at school; and like most boys I was fascinated by the numerous war stories I read and war movies I saw. Finally, I was in awe of the people—almost all citizen warriors—who had endured so much to free Europe from Hitler’s truly evil regime. A number had been relations of mine. One, John Lentaigne M.C., was killed at the Battle of El Alamein. Another, Joe Lentaigne, made general and ended up commanding the Chindits in Burma. It was, indeed, a world war.

Incidentally, M.C. stands for Military Cross. It’s roughly the equivalent of a a Silver Star.

For much of my youth I expected to go into the Army – there was National Service (conscription) in those days, but then National Service was abolished, and I realized that I had no particular desire to live my life within the constraints of military discipline. Boarding school was enough as far as I was concerned. I had the temperament of a maverick, was prone to question everything, and I craved a life that allowed greater freedom. Such a difficult human being was clearly destined to become a writer.

I still retained a keen interest in the military, but my compromise was to observe as a writer – and that is exactly what I have done for all my adult life. Further, I have incorporated aspects of what I have learned in all my fiction books and in one memoir, GETTING TO KNOW THE WARFIGHTERS.

The highpoint of my military experience as a writer was the time I spent researching various military units in the Nineties. These included the 82nd Airborne, the 101st Airborne (Air Assault) and the 3rd Infantry Division (Mechanized) where I had more fun than any human being has a right to experience—even though I got injured in the Mojave Desert. All I can say is that the pain of the latter was worth it. Furthermore, I made many good friends during that period and am in touch with most of them to this day. All, being human, are flawed—and all are magnificent people.

The most special time of all was the brief period I spent with some of the Apache helicopter pilots of the 101st Airborne – which culminated in my flying in an Apache AH-64 helicopter gunship both by day and by night, and in making one of my closest friends, CW4 Tim Roderick. I was much blessed that day and since. Funnily enough my pilot was not Tim, but the awesome CW4 Ron Thompson—a truly superb aviator.

It is in the spirit of such warriors that I am including John Steinbeck’s tribute to helicopter pilots in Vietnam. His sentiments are mine.

On January 7, 1967, Steinbeck was in Pleiku, flying with Shamrock Flight, D Troop, 10th Cavalry and wrote the following home:

"Alicia,
I wish I could tell you about these pilots. They make me sick with envy. They ride their vehicles the way a man controls a fine, well-trained quarter horse. They weave along stream beds, rise like swallows to clear trees, they turn and twist and dip like swifts in the evening. I watch their hands and feet on the controls, the delicacy of the coordination reminds me of the sure and seeming slow hands of (Pablo) Casals on the cello. They are truly musicians hands and they play their controls like music and they dance them like ballerinas and they make me jealous because I want so much to do it. Remember your child night dream of perfect flight free and wonderful? It's like that, and sadly I know I never can. My hands are too old and forgetful to take orders from the command center, which speaks of updrafts and side winds, of drift and shift, or ground fire indicated by a tiny puff or flash, or a hit and all these commands must be obeyed by the musicians hands instantly and automatically. I must take my longing out in admiration and the joy of seeing it.
Sorry about that leak of ecstasy, Alicia, but I had to get it out or burst.”

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 267: SUNDAY

IT’S QUITE STRANGE HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOUR MENTAL IMAGE OF AN ACTOR

The above illustration is of Keeley Hawes, a highly regarded actress who is arguably best known for her role in the TV series about M-I5. Confusingly, it’s known as SPOOKS in the UK (where it originated) and MI-5 in the U.S.

Here is the even more confusing thing: Although Keeley is eminently recognizable in the above photo, it still does not look quite like her as she appears in Mi-5. It under-sells her.

Well, she is no longer in character,  I hear you say.

That’s an entirely reasonable explanation, but I don’t think an adequate one. You see I have encountered this issue many times previously—when trying to cast the movie versions of my own books, for example—and have come to the conclusion that it is more an issue of still photography being out of sync with modern video and film. Still photography remains locked in tradition. Other media have moved on. More is the pity.

I started the day by reading through the latest printed version of my screenplay through again—and it passed the test. True, my refreshed mind came up with a few more ideas—but it is time to send it away. But is it as good as I can make it at this stage?

I then tried to think of comparable movies. THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO certainly comes to mind—though the ending is dramatically different. So what movie has a similar ending? I can’t think of a single one.

Not sure that is a good thing. A great deal of lip service is applied to creativity, but, at heart, movie people prefer to stick to a proven formula. On the other hand, I’m sure audiences will love the end.

Very tired. I think I’ll take a nap.

Back to work after a couple of hours. You know, it truly amazes me how, after all this time, I still find something else to improve, change or correct after each iteration of reading through this screen play. Or maybe I have fallen asleep and am dreaming.

To be fair, I am no longer making up major changes, but I’m continuing to find small errors—albeit not many. And a few additional ideas are speaking in. The polishing process is primarily getting a mass of small details right—and that, in many ways, is the hardest part; and it requires both patience and stamina.

Could it be I’m becoming obsessional about all this? Or merely just trying to make it as good as I can?

Damned if I know.

 

 

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 266: SATURDAY

ONLY A HUNDRED MORE BLOGS TO GO—AND THIS SERIES WILL HAVE LASTED A YEAR

Yesterday, my writing conscience—a formidable brute—seized me by the throat and insisted I move a major section of my screenplay from the beginning to a later location.

Needless to say, I protested, fought, and screamed (I exaggerate) but finally did the deed because I had been secretly concerned about the chronology from the beginning. However, I had suppressed my doubts because such fundamental changes can ripple through one’s entire screenplay—so can be a whole lot of work.

The result of such actions were dramatic (as far as I am concerned). There was a blinding flash and a heavenly voice screamed down: It’s working—and about bloody time too.

Heavenly voices can be a little crude.

A feature of writing is that a single discordant note can get a whole manuscript condemned—even if such a fault is relatively simple to remedy. This is alarming from a writer’s point of view, but has a great deal to do with the volume of reading editors have to do. To cope, they have evolved numerous quick and dirty ways ways of sorting the wheat from the chaff—to the point where it is a rare manuscript that gets read right through during the winnowing process. In fact, I have a private theory that most editors don’t read as a consumer reads at all—because an editor’s perspective and reading load are entirely different.

The illustration is of the mockup of a a proposed new COIN aircraft which is currently in advanced development in South Africa. It is called the AHRLAC and is due to cost under $10 million (depending on the avionics and weapons packages).  The following are some of its more interesting features:

• SEATS: Two in tandem with the rear seat raised to give maximum visibility. This is similar to the Apache AH64 attack helicopter configuration.
• ENDURANCE: This is projected to be a remarkable 7.5 hrs plus – exactly what you need when supporting ground troops.
• RANGE: > 1,100 nm – 1,266 mph
• MAX SPEED: > 272 kts – 313 mph
• WEAPONS: Currently, a 20mm cannon is proposed, plus a full range of capabilities that can be hung from hard-points such as missiles, rockets, and bombs. Missing so far are JDAMS. This area is likely to evolve.

You can get more details from ahrlac.com

In this day and age, COIN aircraft cannot supply air supremacy—although they can carry sophisticated air-to-air missiles. However, in a situation where you have air supremacy, they can excel at far lower cost.

But why not use helicopters? Well, clearly helicopters are used extensively for COIN, but they are dearer to buy, dearer to maintain, are about half the speed of fixed wing, and lack the endurance.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 265: FRIDAY

THE EVIDENCE IS OUT THERE—AND, AS NORMAL, WE IGNORE IT

The above chart illustrates pretty clearly the impact of payroll taxes on most Americans (such taxes are capped so the rich do not pay the same percentage—they pay significantly less) together with American corporations extraordinary success in paying less and less—while being supported through a plethora of subsidies, grants, guarantees and special deals more and more. In fact, no major corporation ever expands today without extracting major concessions from government first. American unfettered capitalism is actually government assisted to an extraordinary degree.

This is scarcely surprising since Congress—the very heart of our government—is largely financed (and therefor controlled) by major corporations. We live, whether we are prepared to admit it or not, in a corporate state.

More specifically, corporate tax actually paid used to contribute about a third of the tax take, and now provides about ten percent of the take (and is heading south).

This situation might be acceptable if our corporate economy delivered what a healthy economy requires—starting with well paid jobs—but, in fact, during the period when corporations have benefited most—the economic wellbeing of most Americans has declined significantly.

• Earning power is dropping.
• Well paid jobs are in decline.
• Low paid jobs are increasingly becoming the norm.
• Defined pensions are vanishing at an alarming rate.
• Healthcare costs—apart from being nearly twice as high as in other developed countries--are, more and more, being passed onto the individual.
• Third level educational costs are becoming a crippling burden.
• Adequate investment in infrastructure has been neglected for decades.
• The stability of the housing market remains in question.
• Interest rates, for those who save, have rarely been lower.

But of course you know all this and are striving mightily to change it—or else you are reveling in the fruits of crony capitalism.

Just remember that both actions and inaction have consequences. But they won’t show up for years I hear you say.

Unfortunately, those years have passed. They are showing up right now.

 

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 264: THURSDAY

A VERY PLEASANT MELLOW DAY—AND, AS IT HAPPENS, MY BIRTHDAY

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR GREETINGS!

Many thanks to all who sent me greetings. I am much moved. It’s going to take me a little time to thank you all individually. As always, rightly or wrongly, I feel writing and related activities have to come first—and they constitute a formidable workload.

In truth, I don’t make much of my birthdays although I intend to celebrate my 70th in reasonable style—assuming I make it that far—one never knows. Far too many relatives and friends have died before their time, and I confess I think about them and miss them—especially on such days as today.

I awoke today feeling very good about life—for no particular reasons except pleasure from the challenge of the screenplay, a good night’s sleep, and a feeling that it is rather good to be alive. And perhaps I should confess to an extra element: I am reading a particularly good book, INNOCENT, by Scott Turrow. The man can write!

For a change, I did not work on the screenplay. Instead, I worked hard to try and catch up with this blog—and I’m glad to say succeeded. I really hate being behindhand with it. I haven’t yet completely managed to balance intensive creative writing with daily blogging—I do fall behind on occasions—but I intend to. 

I really can’t justify this blog in any financial sense but it has become really important to me as both a discipline, a writing exercise, and a way of keeping in touch—particularly as I don’t plan it in advance. I just hope my brain will come up with a theme which I can develop adequately—and to my pleasure and surprise, the damn thing does (and quickly at that).

I find this particularly surprising because I didn’t take to blogging initially at all, but I guess it is a good example of how you can train your mind if you are really determined. And where writing is concerned, I am nothing if not determined.

All in all, it was a pretty good day.

The illustration is of a new vehicle designed for the V-22 Osprey. Quite why the V-22 was designed to be as narrow as it is is a question that has bothered me for years ( not that it keeps me awake) but such was the way of it. The solution would appear to be to produce a range of narrow vehicles which can be squeezed in. This one is called the Phantom Badger—and it is from Boeing. Cool name but looks remarkably like a Jeep to me.

The V-22 has been something like 30 years in development. A reasonable person might think the need to transport a military vehicle might have been anticipated.

Our tax dollars at work.

 

 

 

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 263: WEDNESDAY

OH WHAT A LOUSY MORNING, BUT OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY

No, I’m not talking about the weather. I’m referring to work and the fact that I couldn’t seem to get up to speed in the morning. But stick-to-it-ness is a wonderful thing so I ended the day—at nearly 9.00pm—feeling decidedly satisfied. A good writing day always has that effect.

My bonus was to discover I had cut one extra page more than I had thought without losing any necessary content. Any fool can slash scenes left right and center but the trick is to keep scenes that move the story along in—but write them more tightly. Will scenes be cut eventually? Probably. It doesn’t do to fall in love with your own work in the movie business—and re-writing is the name of the screenwriting game.

I’m not going to say I think I’m finished again—because that is too much like tempting fate (but the truth is that I really think I have).

Hallelujah! I feel I should dance the hornpipe or something—but haven’t a clue how. Mind you, I once did English folk dancing when at prep school—and rather enjoyed it.

Pause while I remind myself I’ll be 69 tomorrow. I think I’ll skip that hornpipe.

My baby squirrel has made an appearance. He is growing fast, his tail is much busier, and he now looks less like a rat. A very cheering sight.

Late evening I watched the movie JACK REACHER with  Tom Cruise (decidedly not my idea of Lee Child’s protagonist as described in his extraordinarily successful books).

The movie was watchable and well directed, but slight—and Tom Cruise playing it by looking permanently grim didn’t help matters.

But, maybe I’m just jealous. Actually, I’m not. I think Lee Child’s success is well deserved and I know full well that Tom Cruise is capable of excellent work.

Nonetheless, I would prefer to see a movie that wasn’t so clearly dumbed down for a global audience. Two examples come to mind (neither are recent):

• THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR
• MARATHON MAN

I’m sure that there is a recent thriller that similarly illustrates my point, but nothing comes immediately to mind.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 262: TUESDAY

GET DE FACTO CONTROL OF CONGRESS—WHICH THE RICH HAVE CERTAINLY DONE—AND WONDERS CAN BE PERFORMED.

CORPORATE PROFITS—WAY UP

TAX ON CORPORATIONS—WAY DOWN

Corporate tax used to provide about a third of the government’s revenue back in the Fifties. Now it provides about 10%—a truly massive decline. Similarly, the Rich, who own the majority of corporate stock, have seen their tax—as a percentage of earning fall dramatically.

The consequences are plain to see.

• The Rich get richer.
• The government is short of revenue and has to both cut back on services and borrow.
• Essential investment in infrastructure is neglected.
• Income inequality increases massively.

It’s all happening folks—and very little is being done about it.

Meanwhile, the earning power of most Americans is actually shrinking.

 

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 261: MONDAY

GENERAL AVIATION & GENERALS

The screenplay I am working on includes a major aviation sequence so aircraft have been much on my mind recently. Apart from anything else, I want to get the details right. I don’t want to feature something the aircraft can’t do. But, independent of that, I’m fascinated with aviation in general. Where are we going with all this good stuff? All kinds of major technological breakthroughs are just over the horizon—or closer still. They include:

• Major (and long overdue) progress in the rotary aircraft area. Rotary aircraft cover conventional helicopters and tilt rotor machines like the V-22.
• Remotely piloted aircraft of all types becoming increasingly autonomous.
• Hybrid-electric and all electric flight.
• Hypersonic flight.

I first became involved with small plane flying through my girlfriend, Bunny, who was capable of charming a veritable flock of flyers to transport us hither and thither (at no cost to us). The leading light was the Marquis of Headfort (Lord Headfort) who lusted after Bunny and couldn’t understand why she was involved with a  20 year old. Frankly, neither could I, but love is a strange and wonderful thing. 

Michael Headfort tended towards the eccentric—to put it mildly—and hatched one scheme which involved flying a Lake Amphibian (a slow single-engine aircraft) across the Atlantic in which I was involved. Other adventures followed and I still keep up with aviation with a heavy bias towards rotary aircraft. After General Keane organized for me to fly in an Apache AH-64 with the 101st Airborne, I became a committed fan.

Generals come into the picture because of COIN aircraft. COIN stands for counterinsurgency and a particular type of relatively inexpensive prop driven aircraft which many believe would do a better job coping with the kind of enemy we are typically facing today than high flying jet fighters costing $100 million each—and with a cost per flying hour (CPFH) to match  .

When calculating the CPFH of a modern jet fighter, it is wise to think in terms of tens of tens of thousands of dollars per hour. In contrast, a typical COIN aircraft—depending on the type—can be flown for  a small fraction of that amount. In addition, a COIN aircraft can remain on station for much longer—which is exactly what is required. In contrast, fighter jets have short legs and have to be refueled (at phenomenal cost) to do just about anything. All that speed and power comes with a price tag.

U.S. Air Force generals, who don’t like the CAS (Close Air Support) mission anyway have resisted COIN aircraft in every way possible for decades, and dragged their heels when selecting aircraft for Iraq and Afghanistan.

Be that as it may, I need a COIN aircraft for my screenplay so have selected the OV-10 Bronco (illustrated above).

Boeing currently own the rights to the Bronco and recently suggested making an updated and somewhat modified version. Needless to say, the Air Force displayed scant enthusiasm.

But here is a point to consider. We have now reached the stage where the effectiveness of an airframe can be leveraged disproportionately through the addition of modern surveillance equipment and armaments—thus vastly increasing the effectiveness of a COIN aircraft at an economical price. For instance, a Bronco can be equipped with as many as 16 Hellfire missiles which gives it a stand-off capability it lacked previously.

The Air Force’s get-out from the COIN issue would seem to be drones.

Whether drones can match the effectiveness of COIN aircraft in a similar situation has yet to be determined but probably won’t be because the politics of the situation are already set in stone.

Either way, I need a COIN aircraft—and intend to have my way. You can do that with sort of thing with words—which is one of the many reasons I love writing so much.

 

 

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 260: SUNDAY

TIMING & WEIRD COMPUTER PROBLEMS

Of all the writing distractions I have experienced over the decades, the worst—by far—have stemmed from computer problems. I used to rant and rave when I encountered them, but now I’m both more knowledgeable and phlegmatic—and tend to keep my cool. I have learned the futility of doing anything else. Also, more often than not, I can now resolve the issues in question.

In fact, it is now almost exactly three years since I last received external help. Nonetheless, I certainly don’t classify myself as any kind of an expert.

Today’s crop of headaches include:

• Google not searching correctly (a most unusual occurrence).
• Some kind of program conflict which locks up both my CPU and RAM over time.
• Hotmail (which is being re-named Outlook by Microsoft) not working at all.

I have all the normal security precautions installed but I have to wonder whether something nasty hasn’t slipped through the net.

All sane writers should work on Macs. Writers who work on Windows PCs, if not insane initially, soon become so.

Fortunately, FINAL DRAFT, my screenwriting program, is working fine so my intention is to finish up there before the time-consuming ritual of re-loading programs, re-booting and so on.

The most effective thing to do is a fresh install—but that is so time-consuming I have put it off for the time being.

I now expect this phase of the screenplay to be completed by my birthday on May 23—a sort of birthday present to myself. Actually, a very handsome one.

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 259: SATURDAY

AT LAST AN ASSASSIN I CAN IDENTIFY WITH—HE’S CALLED VICTOR

When I was a very small boy in Ireland, I thought I was the only person in the world called Victor—and was very proud of that fact.

Then one day I ran into another small boy called Victor—and was appalled. In fact I attacked him, fists flailing and called him a liar—before being told the painful truth.

Growing-up is a painful business.

In fact, I very rarely run into Victors even now and in fiction they generally tend to be either cads or villains. I’m not quite sure why. I think Victor is rather a nice name—but then I would, wouldn’t I!

The protagonist in Tom Wood’s excellent thriller is called Victor, but you can make a good case for classifying him as a villain. After all, he’s an assassin, albeit one who displays the occasional smidgeon of decency.

The great strength of this well-written book is not just the plotting,  but that author Tom Wood gets right inside his character’s mind so that you can follow his each and every move in exquisite detail. Add in painstaking research and Tom Wood’s talent for credibly getting Victor out of impossible situations, and you have both a terrific read and an excellent primer for would-be assassins.

Given the unemployment problem these days, it’s worth thinking about.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 258: FRIDAY

THE TROUBLE WITH AN ABSOLUTE FOCUS ON WRITING IS THAT (NEARLY) EVERYTHING ELSE GETS NEGLECTED

Overall, I’ve had a very good writing week—one exceeding my expectations—but I am eying my backlog of correspondence nervously. It is mounting inexorably.

The irony is that I like writing to people and maintain a substantial correspondence—but because I put great effort into it, I find it drains creative energy that I need for writing. Accordingly, I tend to put it aside when I’m in a particularly intensive writing situation.

Frankly, I haven’t found a solution, and—regretfully—don’t expect to, short of sending everyone standard letters.

Somehow, that just feels wrong.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 257: THURSDAY

MY GOD! IN A WEEK IT WILL BE MY 69TH BIRTHDAY

I AM ENTERING MY 70TH YEAR.

TICK-TOCK! TICK TOCK!

I came to terms with the idea of death some time ago—not that I had much choice in the matter—but I guess, like most people, I have some concern about the manner of my dying.

That said, the example of Jo Curran, who I helped to look after when she was dying of cancer two years ago, set the bar, for how to comport yourself under such circumstances, high. She displayed extraordinary courage and humor right to the very end—when she killed herself under the Death With Dignity Act. I’m not planning the same thing (though who knows) but if I can display a fraction of her courage, I shall be content.

The surprising thing, as far as I am concerned, is how much I am enjoying my advanced years (despite all kinds of difficulties). I really didn’t expect that. However, there is a great sense of freedom attached to becoming largely indifferent to material possessions, and the exhilaration and sheer joy of ideas and writing has to be experienced to be understood. But it means I start every day with a sense of excitement and purpose which stays with me until I fall asleep again. True, it sometimes flags when I’m tired, or have a setback, but it never deserts me completely, and I normally bounce back after a relatively short period.

Do I have regrets? Yes, I have many, but I don’t think of them much. Firstly, thinking about what might have been doesn’t accomplish anything constructive (unless the purpose is creative) and, secondly, most actions I took—whether right or wrong—when reviewed in the context of the time, are understandable.

Does that mean I’m letting myself off the hook? No—but it does mean that I believe that I have better things to do than to repine.

Enough of introspection and back to the saga of my screenplay—a much more interesting topic. Well, here’s the thing. It appears that I am succeeding in adding to the significant content while shrinking the length.

I am pretty damn thrilled.

You know that would make one hell of an epitaph.

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 256: WEDNESDAY

SLAUGHTER MY WORDS—BUT DON’T CUT MY JOKES

I can’t tell a joke worth damn—which is almost academic because I’m even worse at remembering them. I regret that, because it is a real social skill; but you have to play the hand you are dealt.

Fortunately, I do have a sense of humor which was much encouraged and honed by my stepfather, Alfred Lyons. He had a quick and sometimes vicious wit which could be crushing if you failed to respond to it. and thus I learned—from the age of eight to 16, which is when I went to university and left home (after a major row). Thereafter, I would return for a few days at a time, but never permanently. I had tasted freedom and the taste was sweet (regardless of considerable discomfort at times).

Alfred’s wit was complemented by boarding school where dark humor was our counter to a decidedly rigorous life. Sometimes it was quite savage, but it kept us going—and that was what counted. Still does.

Humor—or at least my kind of humor—is heavily rooted in a sense of the absurd often mixed with understatement. Irony is a major feature. Literal humor is not. More often than not, a play on words is the goal. Here the supreme master is Oscar Wilde although Voltaire could give him a run for his money.

When asked to renounce Satan as he was dying, Voltaire reportedly commented: “Now, now, my good man. This is not the time to make new enemies.”

Now that is wit.

All of this is a lead-up to a terrible admission. I’m so limited in space in my screenplay, that I have reached the point where I’m cutting some of my carefully contrived humor. And I hate writing without humor even if it is so dry that no one notices it.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 255: TUESDAY

THE WISDOM OF A SCRIPT DOCTOR

My son, Christian (the award-winning playwright) once introduced me to a former screenwriter/script doctor who had somehow persuaded the Trinity authorities to allow him to take up residence there. I think he made a donation or some such. Anyway, he was living in the kind of chambers that are normally reserved for faculty.

He didn’t write any more but traded in currency and was hugely successful at it. He was an extremely intelligent man. I think he also conducted occasional Master Classes on writing though he didn’t lecture on a regular basis.

Trinity College, Dublin, Ireland—by the way—is where I went to university, and where my son, Shane, went too. It’s normally called Trinity for short, or T.C.D. It was founded towards the end of the 16th Century so its buildings—subject to a few recent exceptions—have a wonderful feel about them.

I cannot recall the name of this individual so I’ll refer to him as SD (script doctor) for convenience. A script doctor is someone you call in when a screenplay is in trouble (a chronic condition given the paranoia that pervades Hollywood).

I spent several evenings—spread over a period—talking  writing with SD and didn’t emerge the happier for it despite his well of expertise and considerable hospitality. He was a strange, embittered man with an almost entirely negative view of life—not without charm, but hard to like. Whether I emerged wiser and a better writer from his informal tutelage is an open question. I rather think not. He was once of the most discouraging people I have met in my life—and the one thing a writer does not need is discouragement.

He also commented that no one over 50 could write for the movies because at that age one had lost touch with the young. Given that I had just passed my 50th birthday at the time, that particular remark didn’t exactly make my day.

Still, SD said one thing about writing thrillers—whether books or movies—which I have never forgotten. He said that, in essence, all such stories boiled down to getting one’s hero into trouble in the first part; getting him into even more trouble in the second part; and getting him out of trouble in the third.

And here am I thinking writing is difficult.

Actually, there is a great deal of truth in SD’s remark.

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 254: MONDAY

HOW TO ADD MORE, TO ACHIEVE MORE—WHILE ENDING UP WITH LESS

After allowing the screenplay to slow-cook in my subconscious over the weekend, I came to the conclusion that what I had produced so far was just not good enough. This wasn’t just a vague feeling but related to specific weaknesses that further reads identified.

Certain areas weren’t clear; some of the dialog lacked crispness; and there were a couple of continuity issues.

So much for finishing my work last week feeling thrilled that I had hit my target length. Length alone, albeit important, is only an element in the mix (as the actress might have said to the bishop).

Actress and bishop jokes were a feature of THE SAINT  books by Leslie Charteris. I read about 14 of them when in my early teens before gravitating to another genre—probably Science Fiction.

It’s actually quite intriguing trying to figure out how to eliminate two pages or so from a screenplay which you previously had thought was cut to the bone. However, this is where a couple of days away from one’s work—plus lots of sleep—makes all the difference.

Words, phrases, and sometimes whole paragraphs, leap off the page and scream: “I’m unnecessary,” or “I’m in the wrong place.”

Then they form a line and do a passable imitation of RIVERDANCE. After that, some are moved but most are—to put it bluntly—executed. Being a word is hazardous.

A writer just has to harden his heart.

No wonder we writers are so tough to live with.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 253: SUNDAY

ARE MOVIES AS GOOD AS THEY USED TO BE?

I truly love a good movie and can well remember the excitement I used to feel as a child when the lights dimmed and “The Big Picture” started. Movies were so much better than real life.

As the years passed, I was to discover that real life is not without its merits—and could be every bit as exciting as a movie, and decidedly more dangerous; and that real sex beat movie sex every time. Nonetheless, movies have remained one of my favorite forms of relaxation.

Though I tend to have a fairly highly developed sense critique, I don’t watch movies that critically. I go to be entertained, not to carp—and if that means being tolerant, well so be it. That doesn’t mean that I enjoy bad movies—more that I’m not a perfectionist where movies are concerned. Also, my tastes are not particularly highbrow. I like Westerns, Gangster Movies, War Movies, Thrillers, Science Fiction, Musicals, and pretty much everything else except horror movies. 

Given all that, I thought KILLING ME SOFTLY with Brad Pitt would be a safe bet. I like Brad Pitt and the supporting cast included such favorites as Ray Liotta.

Sadly, I was profoundly disappointed. In fact, though all the performances were excellent, I found the movie itself to be slow, sordid, and stupendously boring. God alone knows why Brad Pitt (who was rarely on screen) was attracted to the project.

Are movies as good as they used to be? Clearly some are, and bad movies are scarcely a recent invention. Still, it is my general feeling that screenplays are not as good and that technology has a tendency to get in the way rather more often than it should.

One fundamental fact, of course, is that directors simply don’t get the practice they used to to. Under the old studio system, a director could easily make several movies a year. Today it is more likely that  he or she will make only a single movie every three or four years.

And practice makes perfect—or it certainly helps.

Where screenwriting is concerned, I suspect that globalization carries its share of the blame. If you want a movie to appeal to the widest audience possible, then there is a tendency to minimize complexity, sieve out subtlety, and reduce dialogue to a minimum.

Yes, I know film is a visual medium—but I’ll confess a weakness for good plotting and sharp dialogue.

But I’m a writer, so what else can you expect!

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 252: SATURDAY

TO SLEEP, TO READ, AND TO SLEEP A WHOLE LOT MORE--

MY IDEA OF A PERFECT SATURDAY

Saturday, as I’m sure I have written before, is my self-designated day of rest. I picked Saturday, not for religious reasons, but because that leaves Sunday available in case my idleness on Saturday fails to achieve the desired result. In truth, I normally do half a day’s work on Saturday but since it is entirely voluntary—as determined by my work ethic—I don’t classify it as work. Really, it all comes down to fooling my mind so that I start the next week reasonably refreshed.

Sleep tends to be my primary goal—and I find if I can sleep it out until mid morning or later, it makes the world of difference. As for reading, my idea of Hell would be a place without books; and I normally have at least one on the go and several stacked up ready to devour.

For sheer relaxation, I tend to read thrillers or military history—though I am not averse to reading an economics book if it is well written (and many are). Economics has become very statistical over the years—to its great disadvantage in my opinion—but, fundamentally, it is (and should be) a study of human behavior as it relates to our universal struggle to make a living. In the process, the human condition is well explored—and therein lies the fascination.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 251: FRIDAY

TO FINISH OR NOT TO FINISH?

THE FINISHING LINE HAS A TENDENCY TO BE MOBILE

A fundamental rule, where writing is concerned, is that any manuscript you submit should be as good as you can make it within the constraints of your particular circumstances. If you are writing to a deadline, then your finishing date is set for you. On the other hand, if you are working to your own schedule, then the day you type THE END and mean it is much more of a moveable feast.

By this evening, I had produced a highly acceptable result and printed it out. But can I do better? That’s a question best answered after catching up with one’s sleep—plus a little perspective.

Even if you don’t have an external deadline, the practicalities of life mean that you rarely have the luxury of writing on until everything is just the way you want it. Money has to be earned, there are personal commitments to be met—and so it goes. Still, only a damn fool submits inadequate work.

One trick I use for evaluating work is to open the manuscript in question at random. If I then find something that strikes discordant note, it is back to re-writing. Of course, I also read the whole manuscript through many times—but I use random selection as an additional test.

Right now I’m too tired to do anything other than go to bed.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 250

THERE IS SUCH A THING AS WORKING TOO HARD, AND TOO LONG.

SOMETIMES, IT’S WORTH IT

I have a feeling that somewhere a writing rule exists which says as follows: The shorter the length you are allowed, the harder is the writing.

Hard not to feel sympathy for those tasked with writing inscriptions for gravestones.

Born: May 23 1944

Died: Still working on it.

I’m getting considerable pleasure from writing less (as is required in a screenplay).  Every word subtracted is a victory. On the other hand, I have never worked so hard in my life.

It’s the wee small hours more often than not when I finish. My fairly regular sleeping cycle is wrecked.

Why is writing so absolutely fascinating? It’s like being in love—agonizing but wonderful; and destructive of sleep.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 249

HOW LONG DOES WRITING TAKE UNTIL THE PROJECT FEELS RIGHT?

Once you have some years of writing experience under your belt, it’s fairly easy to estimate how long an acceptable draft will take—assuming no extraneous factors intervene—though they frequently do.

In fact, I belong to the group who believe life is a plot designed to stop writers from writing.

Feeding pets! Driving children to football games! Cleaning out the gutters! These are all distractions in a business which demands absolute focus. In fact, I have long recommended that a writer’s pet should be stuffed and small children should be kept in the washing machine (much easier to keep them clean that way-and keep the noise level down).

Do  I jest? Not completely… Actually, I’m quite nice to pets and small children, but you get my point.

The hardest part with a writing project is not producing a draft, but getting it right as far as you the writer is concerned. Satisfying other people is in the lap of the gods (though naturally you try). But, essentially, your own judgment—which can take some years to cultivate—is what counts.

I had intended to go for a long walk after lunch—the weather has continued gorgeous, at least as far as the afternoons and evenings are concerned. Instead, I re-wrote a screenplay scene which I felt should be more visual. I could have let it go, but my creative conscience was giving me a hard time.

The changes worked, but it all made for another very long day.

Late evening, after a walk, I watched the last episode of RETURN TO LONESOME DOVE. It was made in 1993—and, in my opinion, was quite up to the standard of Larry McMurty’s original. Quite what the copyright politics were, I have no idea, but this mini-series was written by John Wilder who did an impressive job.

I wonder is John Wilder any relation of Andrew Wilder (arguably best known for CRIMINAL MINDS).

The very talented Andrew wrote a screenplay for my first book, GAMES OF THE HANGMAN—which I have never seen.

Such are the ways of Hollywood. Such is a writer’s world.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 248

IF YOU CAN MAKE A CAR THAT DRIVES ITSELF, WHY NOT A PERSONAL AIRCRAFT?

Tuesday was a very long day that finished after 2.00am. I actually stopped work at 8.00 pm to have supper and relax with RETURN TO LONESOME DOVE but the screenplay was so embedded in my mind that eventually I went back to work on it. I was trying to resolve a particular issue concerning how two characters meet—and eventually did so by re-writing and moving a scene around. I was very pleased because that problem had been bugging me for some time.

As I have written before, I don’t approve of working too late—we need our sleep—but sometimes the imperative is hard to resist.

Terrafugia are known as the developers of a flying car—which looks as if it just might work and be commercial. Hard to know because that has been an unrealized dream for years though my late friend, Robert Fulton, did develop a functional machine over half a century ago—and got it certified by the FAA—but it never went into commercial production. He called it an Airphibian and it is currently in the Smithsonian.

Terrafugia have now gone one further and have announced the development of the Terrafugia TF-X. This is an extraordinarily ambitious vision which the company expects will take the bones of a decade to realize.

Specifically, it involves the development of a personal hybrid electric tilt-rotor aircraft which will take off and land vertically—and which will convert to a road drivable 4 passenger car. As if that isn’t enough, the machine will—in effect—fly and drive itself.

The thing is—all the technology to make such a vehicle currently (more or less) exists but whether it can all be made to work together is another matter entirely. Consider the endless problems of the V-22 Osprey which was in development for decades.

For all that, there is a clarity about Terrafugia’s vision which suggests they just might pull it off.

Check them out at www.terrafugia.com It’s a fascinating project.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 247

“INFORMED BUT NOT BLINDLY DRIVEN BY THE DATA”

DOCTOR DAVID FERRUCCI

I have long been fascinated by the potential of AI (Artificial Intelligence) and actually it has featured as a background topic in several of my books.

For instance, my character, Joachim Henssen—generally known as “Henssen”—who features in my book GAMES OF THE HANGMAN, and other titles, is an AI guru. He works for German intelligence (the BKA), feels–quite rightly—that his masters don’t appreciate his work, and ends up making an unorthodox, but successful alliance with a group based in Bern, Switzerland. Later, in subsequent books, he—philosophically a “Green”—gravitates to living on Fitzduane’s island—and to developing artificial intelligence to a higher level. In the world of counter-terrorism, such developments have consequences.

Who is Fitzduane? Good grief! If you don’t know that, you would be wise to read one of my books.

Dr. David Ferrucci (who I regret  I have never met) would appear to be the nearest thing to a real life version of Henssen (or close enough); and there is an interesting article about him today’s New York Times. After a 20 year career with IBM culminating in his leading the development of Watson (the IBM computer that won Jeopardy) he has joined the vast hedge fund, Bridgewater Associates—a development I find rather sad.

The financialization of the U.S. continues—to excess. Personally, I’d like to see the extraordinary power of computers like Watson focused on solving some of our real life problems—everything from city planning to medical diagnosis. And I have faith that such unimaginable computing power can and will—if the necessary political will exists (a rather large qualification).

I have finally caught up with my blogs—you will recall I stopped blogging for something like 16 days when working intensively on a screenplay. It proved to be a harder task than I imagined—but the results are better than I had hoped.

I love the phrase: “Informed, but not blindly driven by data.” It’s worth thinking through.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 246

ANOTHER SPLENDIFEROUS DAY—WE’LL GO INTO SHOCK WHEN THE WEATHER CHANGES!

Those who know my Irish background often like to assume that I must feel right right at home in Seattle because the climate is so similar of that of Ireland’s.

I don’t find it so. Ireland is chillier—and rarely features absolutely cloudless days. In fact, one could argue that it rarely features a genuine summer. Seattle, rainy and gloomy though it can be, is definitely ahead on points. I offer the current run of spectacular weather in evidence.

I tried very hard to rest over the weekend—and succeeded to an extent—but still devoted some hours to catching up on this blog. I missed something like 16 days (I blush) but now have only four to fill in. I’m feeling much encouraged. I find it very hard to know the value of this blog—except as a writing exercise—but it means a great deal to me, partly because I never thought I could do it. After all, I have never been able to keep a journal. But here the blog is; and it speaks for itself.

I went exploring in the afternoon and found a new and easier way to walk to the local shopping center. This route features some very pretty—and well maintained—houses and gardens. I should probably say “yards” but a yard to me is an open working area surrounded by farm outhouses.

You would think a walker like me would regularly encounter other walkers, but I rarely do. The CDC recently announced its latest exercise standards and stated that 80 percent of Americans don’t exercise enough. It appears I’m on the edge of acceptability largely thanks to my walking. Personally, I think I don’t walk enough. It promotes thought, and thinking is the precursor of writing.

And what else is there in the world!

All in all, a pretty good day.

 

 

 

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 245

MY OLD UNIVERSITY, TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN, IRELAND—IN A BOLLYWOOD MOVIE

I’M CURRENTLY SCANNING THE SKIES FOR FLYING PIGS

Saturday is my official day for doing absolutely nothing—or kidding myself I’m resting (even when I’m not).

Today, I really needed the rest, and either slept or read until lunchtime. I was absolutely played out. It felt wonderful—I think. I was asleep most of the time. Holding a book can be hard work when you are tired.

The surprise of the day came later when I watched EK THA TIGER—a Bollywood action thriller (leavened with considerable humor) featuring an Indian RAW agent and a Pakistani ISI agent who fall on love while on a mission in Dublin, Ireland. The movie as a whole is set in something like five countries, but something like a third is set in Dublin (which looks remarkably well in the movie).

All in all, it’s a thoroughly entertaining film providing you adjust your standards. For instance, it’s a Bollywood convention that even in an action thriller like this, there will be several musical numbers. This is quite disconcerting at first—think SKYFALL crossed with SINGING IN THE RAIN—but the numbers themselves are excellent, and the main protagonists are both beautiful people. The female lead is Katrina Kaif for whom the phrase “Drop dead gorgeous” was invented. It isn’t adequate.

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie although I’m still trying to adjust to the the notion of Trinity being a location.

I expect the sequel to be set in the Vatican—and the Swiss Guard suddenly to start tap-dancing.

Why not, indeed! Go watch!

 

 

 

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 244.

“MAN WAS MADE AT THE END OF THE WEEK WHEN GOD WAS TIRED”

MARK TWAIN

Man gets tired to0, I’ll have you know! 

I normally have pretty good stamina when it comes to writing—I regularly work ten hour days or more—but, after a particularly hard burst of work, a reaction can set in. 

This morning, despite sleeping well, it hit with a vengeance. I should have stayed in bed if I had any sense, but instead was compelled by my work ethic to drag myself out of bed and go stare at the computer. Madness! A writer should know his limitations.

It’s actually very important to balance work and rest—but if you want to know how to do that, I’m the wrong person to read. I love to write and only stop when exhausted.

When you are really tired, the core problem isn’t how you feel, but the fact that you can’t think straight—and that is no way to work given that writing is primarily about thinking.

Time to go to a walk and re-charge. Time to do something other that writing to relax. Time to sleep. I am really, absolutely, and completely wiped. But I feel ok otherwise. I’ve been very productive recently.

Immensely satisfying. This, as far as I am concerned, is what life is all about.

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 243.

WE KNOW THAT AMERICANS AGE SICKER AND DIE YOUNGER

COULD IT BE THAT WE ARE POISONING OURSELVES—WITH A GREAT DEAL OF HELP FROM CORPORATE AMERICA?

I collect reports on this sort of stuff—have been for years--and have to say that the findings are both consistent and alarming.

Add in the fact that this is not a healthy population, and that Americans die younger than their peers in most developed countries, and a reasonable person might conclude that we have a serious crisis—in terms of casualties, on a par with a major war.

It gets worse. Our costs of dealing with this crisis are nearly twice as high as anywhere else in the world—for a generally inferior service (unless you are wealthy). And concurrent with that, while medical costs are going up at rates which are consistently above inflation, most Americans are steadily getting poorer. That adds up to crunch-time sooner rather than later—and, as normal, we are doing virtually nothing about it. In fact, we don’t even seem to accept that we have a crisis.

I believe that we have a holistic problem and that treating one facet of the problem alone—like Healthcare—is just not good enough. We need to deal with the issues concurrently, and thoroughly, with the same sort of focus that was displayed in WW II.

The salient point is that all these issues are connected. So what are they?

• Environmental pollution on a massive scale which not only harms people directly, but also contaminates the air, the earth, and everything that grows.
• Factory farming based upon techniques which favor quantity as well as quality. As a consequence, the quality of our raw material has been severely debased and, in may cases, is actively harmful.
• A food industry that takes these sub-par ingredients and further debases them through adding too much fat, sugar and salt—then over-processing the result.
• A fast food industry that has been proven repeatedly to be harmful.
• Lifestyles that are known to be unhealthy.
• Healthcare which is overpriced and rapidly becoming unaffordable.
• A corporate culture which is focused solely on profits to the exclusion of the public good—and which has demonstrably failed to solve the issues described despite decades during which corporations have had every opportunity to balance their responsibilities.
• A highly ignorant and much manipulated population.
• A Congress that is prevented from acting because it is in thrall to corporate interests.
• Corporate owned media which are both constrained and unwilling to raise the problem in its entirety.

So how do I know all this? The data are out there—and you just have to read them. Also, I have had the advantage of living in a number of other countries so have observed how they do things.

I’m not the only person who feels this way. Talk-show host Bill Maher comments regularly that we are poisoning ourselves—as do nationally known writers like Michael Pollan and Mark Bittman (albeit not quite so directly). Many others write regularly about the deficiencies of our food chain. Similarly, many private citizens are greatly concerned. Just not enough to pressure Congress to deal with some pretty evil and dangerous corporate practices.

Adding excessive fat, salt, and sugar to the profound detriment of our health is only a small part of it—as is over-processing and the habit of padding out ingredients with soy and other fillers. If you really knew what goes into American food, you would feel in fear of your life—and you would be right. But the actual cause of death will be stated as something like cancer or heart disease.

The situation is broadly similar to smoking. Smoking—like American food—does not kill directly. Both work  through lethal intermediaries. You still die just as unpleasantly.

Few treat the problem holistically. I‘m not quite sure why that is because the linkage is self-evident—and well proven.

I have not listed a single issue that can’t be reduced to manageable proportions within a decade—but we seem to have lost the art of mounting a great national effort other than war.

It’s a great shame that Americans are not aware how many harmful chemicals and processes, which are freely used in the U.S., are banned elsewhere for health reasons.

We are being suckered—and it’s killing us.

The U.S. can be, and should be, so much better than this.

 

 

THE STORY SO FAR: PART 242

NUTS!

May Day! I feel I should grab a banner and demonstrate—but demonstrating is really not my thing.

I’m not particularly proud of that fact—I believe there are many issues that are worth fighting for—but my particular method is to write about them; and, if the opportunity exists, to speak.

It’s a gorgeous day—an absolutely cloudless blue sky—and my local squirrel has been out and about from an early hour. What he has been up to, I don’t know, but I confess I’m curious. You see the immediate tree I look out at is dead—though its bark is so beautiful, I find it endlessly fascinating. Just behind it, the trees are all hale and healthy, but it is the dead tree that holds my interest—and, it seems, that of my local squirrel. Clearly, I need to learn squirrel.

I have begun filling in my missing blogs. I have done that for a few days before, but back-tracking for over two weeks is a greater challenge. Is it worth doing?

I certainly cannot justify it in economic terms, but I am determined to complete a year with a blog written every day—and I believe the challenge is worth it. Exercises the mind.

Based on my limited knowledge of squirrel gestures, he thinks I’m nuts.